What I mean is that we have been without any sort of child care assistance or day care/school since our arrival in Robi, and are settling into something of a routine. Anno is, of course, working full time (including a somewhat harrowing 45 minute each-way commute) and 24 weeks prego as of this writing.
This was always intended to be my time with S. I think there is enough preliminary data to identify emerging patters in our relationship:
1. No such thing as 'quality time'.
A friend of mine (nice one, Peter M.) likes to say that kids only appreciate and understand quantity time. Meaning, you have to hang out with them a LOT to deepen the relationship meaningfully, even if some of that time is spent, say, in the back of a taxi without a car seat, or waiting for the &&%ing resto to please-for-Pete's sake bring out the grilled cheese already (hypothetical examples, rest assured, dear readers).
The quantity time school is fun and easy to apply (at least in my current employment environment), and effective because you tend to be more mindful in whatever it is you happen to be doing together - even if it is unpleasant and/or tedious. For instance, S. and I hang out all day, literally. We wake to have breakfast with Anno. Then, depending on our rental house visiting schedule, we either hitch a ride with Anno to the UN campus (this will be the subject of a later post) or hit the gym. In NY, going to the gym with S. was always a hare-brained endeavour involving incomplete routines, profuse apologies to other patrons, and generally requiring nerves of steel. This time, I find that we find ways to get along: she helps me count sets, does pull-ups off the treadmill frame, or just generally tools around quite contentedly, dancing to the amazing late 80s/90s pop music which Kenyan radios play all day (Lionel Richie - vastly underrated). We have our gym-jokes - S.'s biceps are named "Shock" and "Awe". There is no red-line separation between 'her-time' and 'my-time', it isn't minute-based charity from one person to another. I try to extend the same courtesy when she asks me to read 'We're Moving!' (thanks Linda L.!) for the nth time in the afternoon. As a result, I think (and Anno concurs) S. and I are more relaxed around each other, which generates a virtuous cycle of better communications.
Quality time seems, freed as I am from daily commutes, neckties and neurotic BB checking, a construct intended primarily to soothe the consciences of working or otherwise absent parents. Lesson learned (for now, anyway).
2. Results-based expectations
In addition to the difficult-to-measure aspects of deepening the father-daughter relationship, I am keen to use this time to impart certain skills to Sofia. Upon review, that sentence makes me sound a little pompous, and a lot not-fun - but I will leave it in. What I mean is that I firmly believe in working towards specific short-term goals (not so good at establishing long-term ones, but working on that).
So, S. and I are working daily on her swimming and her reading. I figure there's no reason why I shouldn't be the one to teach her these. I love to read, and I think swimming is kind of boring. Each, however, is a critical life skill which takes relatively little time to grasp (as opposed to master).
Almost everyday, we go the pool, of which we have designated various sides with different city names. For instance, S. can now swim from Nairobi (poolside near the cafe) to Brooklyn (opposite end of the shallow end) to visit her friend Laila, and then back. Also, and hilariously, S. insists on popping up and either calling me (i.e. shouting across the pool, to the annoyance of a sour-faced German lady also staying here) or sending me an email about her safe arrival and local meetings (i.e. high volume typing motion with both hands at water level). It's going pretty well - she swam backwards (in a life-vest, but still) for the first time yesterday!
The reading is slower going because of attention span (hers not mine). But if any readers have ideas or techniques to share, I'm all ears. Right now, I have some 'tracing letters' and 'a for apple' kind of books from a local bookstore which I figure are increasing her familiarity with the concepts. Plus, they provide a fun activity while waiting for the ^^&%&ing grilled cheese!
3. The reason anyone visits this blog.
Photos. Of Kenya. Nothing artsy whatsoever - promise!
1. View of Wasini apartments (the place we are staying) pool and courtyard from our window
2. S. in transit on the way to NBO in the Zurich airport lounge
3. 'Still in pyjamas' sing-along with faux guitar
4. Mixed feelings about balloon giraffe
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